The Zombie Apocalypse: Friends Don’t Let Friends Get Eaten

It all started with a workout created by my friend Leigh Peele designed to crush my body and soul.

Only after I finished the workout and was left wheezing on the ground like an asthmatic Zebra did I realize just how out of shape I was. It was cool, though – my life aspirations and physique doesn’t require me to lift beyond 8 reps, and the only jogging I do is if a strong gust of wind blows some papers out of my hand and I need to chase them down.

Back to regular life I went, until one day it hit me.

While watching my favorite show, The Walking Dead, and seeing all the ridiculousness that they had to go through just to survive, I realized a painful truth: if the zombie apocalypse ever happened in real life, I would be SO dead!

In a feeble attempt to make myself feel better, I started to playback in my head all of the zombie movies and gauge whether I would survive or not, and even that was pitiful.

Dawn of the Dead? Dead.
28 Days Later? Super dead.
Night of the Living Dead? Finished.
Shaun of the Dead? Game over (yes, I’d find a way to die even in a comedy).

Even if I went back to the first zombie movies where they more or less waddled after you, I’d still die. This is when I had an epiphany: If I’m in ok shape and would still end up as zombie bait, what happens to my friends who are in worse shape than me?!

A lot of my best friends don’t train. Hell, my own mom doesn’t even lift – and I love my mom! I can’t be satisfied with my current training plan, which is sure to leave me temporarily friendless and momless right before my weak heart gives out, I trip and fall on some wet leaves and get eaten by zombies.

Enter my homie and partner in zombie slayage, John Romaniello. We present to you, the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Workout

If we’re going to make our mark on the world, then hot damn it’s going to be for preparing as many people as we possibly can for the upcoming zombie apocalypse!

Do you doubt that this is eventually going to happen? As the great sage and philosopher DMX one said – do you think this is a game?! If so, look no further than headlines from the actual news.

This workout guide will be the most important purchase you ever make since it’s the only guide that will get you fit enough to slay the undead, protect your family and survive the end of the world (while looking good doing it).

In the off-chance that the world doesn’t go to zombie hell in a bike basket, you’ll still be rewarded with a truly Sexified physique along with a Liam Neeson in Taken set of skills (we’re talking speed and endurance here, not martial arts and neck snapping).

Dying sucks in general, but dying at the hands of a zombie sucks even more. Since I care about you so much and want you to be ready to dominate the undead with reckless abandon, the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Workout is on sale for 50% until this Friday at midnight

Click here to pick up your copy and join the zombie resistance!

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Comments

  1. says

    Im completely impressed by it all, but esp the rope deal in the beginning.
    The car I was a little baffled by at first, til I realized you were PUSHING the damn thing.
    Way to be, Rog!
    (Personally I would have liked a special lil Ring dance, but that’s just me ;)

  2. says

    Here’s my plan:
    Keep the sledge hammer next to my bed on the 20th/ 21th dec.
    Smash the undead with it and try to get to the near farmers supplier (500 m).
    Equip myself with more blunt objects, axes, chainsaws, string trimmers – not with a string but a blade, scissors, pickaxes AND try to get hold of a tractor to crunch more of the undead. Enter a camping/ fishing supplier, to get the basics, get the f*** out. Nut up or shut up.
    Some part of myself says that’d be cool, while another says it won’t.

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