The Fuck Factory

Imagine that you run the most prestigious company in the world, Fuck Inc.

Your job as CEO is to deliver potent, pristine, high-powered fucks when they’re needed the most.

You’re the equivalent of Oprah in her prime.

You get a fuck, and YOU get a fuck, and you, so far in the back row that I’m not sure you can see me? I hope you’re ready to catch, because I’ve got a hot fuck coming your way!

You’re passing out fucks like you’re the Mayor of Fuckville.

Money is growing on trees, puppies are running into your arms like you’re a magnet for all things adorable, and steaks are cooking themselves and jumping into your mouth.

Life is good. Until it isn’t.

A sudden, unexpected demand of fucks comes across your desk and you’re caught with your pants down on a day you’re going commando.

You run downstairs into your Scrooge McDuck vault where you’ve stashed away a few hidden fucks for such an emergency.

Too bad it’s not enough, and your ration is quickly depleted. Your company is now forced to do something it has never done before: write fuck I.O.U.s

Like showing a starving man a picture of buttermilk pancakes, this does nothing for those whoneed them right now. You’re doubly screwed, compromising the quality of your once pristine product while simultaneously digging yourself into a fuck deficit the likes of which the world has never seen.

Soon you’re forced to shut down your once thriving business because you can no longer keep up with the demand.

So, how do we keep Fuck Inc. from closing its doors for good?

Know your value


This is the well from which all future fucks spring.

Your fucks are valuable, in limited supply and take time & energy to replenish, so don’t give them out to people and situations that don’t merit one.

Most things in life only require a damn, which you have a stockpile of at any given moment.

If you don’t value your fucks, then you’re sending signals to everyone else that they shouldn’t either.

Plug the holes


If you’re leaking fucks faster than a new Kanye album, it’s only a matter of time before you deplete your supply all over again, only this time it’s worse because you knew better.

Learn to say no.

To naysayers and doubters.

To expectations placed on you by others, both real and imagined.

To feeling like you have to eat all the food on your plate because if you don’t, some kid in China will starve.

To modes of exercise that make you want to stab yourself in the neck with a pencil.

To knowing (or worse, caring) about what’s going on in Kim Kardashian’s world; she gives approximately zero fucks about the happenings of yours.

This is your life. If you aren’t careful about what you give your energy to you’ll find yourself being pulled in a million directions like the last flat screen TV on Black Friday.

Everyone has a voice, but that doesn’t mean you should listen to their unfiltered jibbajabba. Don’t discount your self-awareness for the sake of prioritizing theirs.

The simple act of plugging your holes gives you an instant fuck boost. The fucks you do have now stay in your bucket waiting to be spent instead of immediately leaking out.

And the next time you sense a fuck-draining vampire scenario coming your way, lean back and dodge it like Neo in The Matrix.

Aggressive Fuck Redistribution


You’ve patched up your leaks, started saying no to the bullshit and took back your power by hiring a bouncer to keep all the fuck thieves out of your party. Here’s where it starts to get mad delicious.

Now you get to say yes and actually choose where you spend your fucks.

The whole “zero fucks given” movement is misguided, the equivalent of hopping in your car and yelling “zero wheels needed” and then being upset that you’re not going anywhere.

Fucks are our rocket fuel, and to live a fulfilled life you actually do need them. Our attention is our most valuable resource, so it’s time to do the work and prioritize where you want to allocate that resource.

What are your values? Spend your fucks in a way that reinforces them daily.

Who do you love and want to serve? Spend your fucks in a way that supports them.

Who do you want to be? Cast your fuck ballot in a way that creates that person through action.

AFR: Aggressive Fuck redistribution.

Having your fucks siphoned of can leave you feeling, tired, dirty and worse for wear than if your browser history was made public.

On the other hand, actively choosing from moment to moment to allocate your fucks in a meaningful way is empowering.

Wisely spent fucks beget more fucks. Spend 1 and get 2 (or more) in return.

Congratulations – you’ve just turned yourself into a perpetual fuck machine.

When you feel like you’re running low on your fucks, that’s the time to do whatever you need to in order to bring them back to baseline – exercise, hang out with a friend, go sit in nature, eat some ice cream in the dark and fill the carton back up with your tears.

There is nothing noble about running yourself into the ground. All guts and glory will only get you so far. In the marathon of life, it’s a constant dance of knowing when to push like the Devil is hot on your ass and knowing when to lay back in the cut and recover.

From this moment on, a fuck deficit is no longer acceptable.

Do this by any means necessary, because if you wait until you’re truly at zero fucks, everyone loses – both you and the ones you love and serve.

4 Things I Learned From Going Old School


This is my cell phone.

I get 9 hours of talk time. Texting is horrible because I have to press a million buttons so I’m more likely to actually call you as reply. Every picture looks like the Blair Witch Project thanks to my 2.6 megapixel camera.If you tried to shoot me and take my Cinnabon, I could use it to deflect the bullet and then call the police to report you for being so rude

The Mysterious Case of The Great Half-Asser

I’m known for my legendary workouts.

Not legendary in the “his work ethic inspire the hopes and dreams of millions around the world” sense, but more like “he has been here for 2 hours and I don’t think I’ve seen him lift anything yet…is he even sweating? What the hell is he doing?!”

I’d walk in with the good intentions of crushing 6 exercises, but then I’d do some arm swings and check Facebook. Do a few chin-ups then scroll through Instagram. Warm up with some light weights before firing off some texts. Before I knew it, my 60 seconds of rest was long gone, stars exploded in a blaze of glory and a new President had been elected.

Since getting rid of my smart phone, the quality of my workouts has improved dramatically. I’m stronger, leaner and my cardio is better than it has been in at least a year, and it all comes down to focus.

For the best results inside the gym and out, a full-ass approach is required. A half-ass approached will yield exactly what you’d expect.


If I’m in the gym, I’m there with a single purpose: to give my best to the training at hand. If I’m diddling around on my phone between rest periods, while seemingly harmless, it IS taking away from my mental sharpness and commitment to my workout.

Does a lion stop to take a quick selfie because #beastmode right before pouncing on a gazelle? Does Lebron text some quick LOLs right before a championship game?

There’s a time and place for everything. Give your phone a time out in the gym for a month and see what happens both. You’re worth it.

From Good to Great Sex

I was in bed with my lady one night and she made an offhand comment that gave me a moment of pause: “you’re always on that thing.”

And when sitting there on the phone, I can’t say that she didn’t have a solid point.

It made me think back to the big moments of our relationship and what made it feel like a bag of magic and vanilla frosting 24/7. When we were together, we were really TOGETHER and not staring into the glowing box of infinite distraction. Looking back, we don’t have many pictures of us or the things we did because we were so in the moment that we didn’t think about trying to capture any of it.

A few years ago I heard Danielle LaPorte speak at a conference and she said something that always stuck with me: our presence and attention is the most important gift we can give to someone.

Girl, you just wait 'til we get home and I give you that good lovin. YOU GON LEARN TODAY!

Girl, you just wait ’til we get home and I give you that good lovin. YOU GON LEARN TODAY!


Good sex is fairly easy to come by. But great sex? That doesn’t happen by accident. One of the key ingredients of that sizzle pie is genuine connection, and there are opportunities for this connection in every moment if we’re open to them.

It’s like those couples you see out at dinner, unblinking eyes pressed up against their phone like they’re getting the most important retina scan of their lives. I bet they’re going to race home and set the bed on fire. I wish my sex life was like theirs…said no one ever.

So there were major improvements in that area, but also every other area where I was interacting with another awesome human being.

The Constant Itch

If I was by myself or I wanted to avoid doing something I’d whip out my phone and see what was happening in the Internet rabbit hole.

If I was out and there was a lull in the action or conversation, I’d browse the Internet as a reprieve from the boredom.

I found it increasingly difficult to keep my attention focused on one thing, from reading a book to writing to seeing a ridiculous thought in this crazy mind of mine through to completion.

In the background of every moment there was the quiet whisper that there was something, important or not, that I was missing out on and if I just reached in my pocket I could pull out this thing that would give me access to all of it, the present moment be damned.

Check the phone, my precious.

Check the phone, my precious.

Am I documenting this for my own benefit once my memory starts to fade, or am I doing it to share it with other people for who the hell knows what reason?

Now without it, I feel more like a sharper, more energized, creative version of myself.

When I’m bored, I can be with that boredom and see what, if anything, comes of it. When I’m talking with someone and the flow drops off, I can see that as an opportunity to resurrect the conversation like a conversation wizard instead of pressing the abort button by taking the easiest escape route – my phone.

I’m a Tool

A good 90% of the time I found my phone in my hand, I don’t even remember consciously reaching for it. It’s like in the horror movies where the terrified home owner burns the demonic doll, only to look up 5 minutes later and find it sitting on their bed, unscathed, eating Cheetos.

That’s when I knew I was screwed. It was no longer something I chose to do, but something that happened because it was a habit that ran on autopilot, with or without my consent.

Y'all got that WIFI?

Y’all got that WIFI?

The smart phone started off as a useful tool, and the problem with tools is never the tool itself, but the user. After becoming reliant on it and using it on a daily basis for so many things, came to the sad conclusion that this thing had a vice grip on me, not the other way around.

It’s like a full-blown crack head saying they’ll just have a little bit of crack, or a sex addict saying they just want to cuddle for a few minutes – it never works.

So I had to cut it off completely by getting a phone that can only do the basics, because if I left any window to my old habits open while trying to form new ones, they would just sneak up on me quicker than Michael Myers in a Prius.

Sound Familiar?

If any of this resonates with you and you want to stop yourself from going down the slippery slope, here are some steps you can take without going full old school.

  • Keep the phone in your locker or gym bag when training.
  • When you’re with others, leave it in the car or put it on silent/airplane mode.
  • Have designated times during the day/week when it’s completely out of your possession, especially when you’re working on a mentally challenging task.
  • Turn off all notifications.

I’m almost 2 months in and doubt I’ll go back anytime soon, if for no other reason than the look of disgust on people’s face when they see this relic, like I just showed them a pair of 100 year old balls, is priceless.

It’s Always Your Fault


Imagine you’re the passenger on a bus. You pull the cord to let the driver know that your stop is coming up, but instead of slowing down they slam their foot on the gas and veer out of control as they turn to stare at you.

Their hair is disheveled, shirt filled with random stains and the funk of 1,000 years invades your nostrils. Their eyes are bloodshot and the last good tooth they had abandoned ship years ago. For all you know they may not even be wearing pants!

To say they’re methed out of their mind would be the understatement of the century.

And that’s when it finally hits you: wherever you want to go, this bus definitely isn’t getting you there.

Why Victimhood Is Killing Your Gains

Have you ever felt like things were constantly happening to you and that you were just a passenger along for the ride?

It’s exactly like being on that bus, except way worse because it’s actually your life.

I’ve been there, and on any given day I can easily slip into right back into that passenger seat if I’m not careful. Blaming, defending, complaining – these are all tools of the trade.IMG_5119

And I get it. Sinking into that victim mentality and letting it run amuck has a certain seductive appeal to it.

When in that mode, it’s easy to think that you’ve got it all figured out and that if only those other people out there would get their act together, you wouldn’t be in this predicament.

You’d be in much better shape if your co-workers would stop bringing all sorts of treats and delectable fatty foods into the office…

You would have time to hit the gym if people stopped making so many demands on your time…

When dieting for a photoshoot, I felt myself mentally blaming friends I was going out to eat with – how could they order that when they know I’m trying to get mad sexy?


On the outside, I played it cool. On the inside, I was whiney and had a pretty bad case of the emo.

It’s tempting to feel like you’re always the one in the right, making it easy to blame everything on something outside of you and keeping the pristine image of yourself intact.

That’s taking the easy, low-effort approach to living life.

Blaming others will never better you. It only ensures that you stay exactly where you are and miss out on the best parts of life

Whenever I find myself playing the victim, I tell myself one thing that never fails to pull me back from the brink of destruction…

It’s Always Your Fault


Are you not exercising as much as you’d like? It’s completely your fault.

Looking like Captain America pre-Super Soldier serum? Certainly your fault.

Do you feel like you can’t create the kind of relationship that you want to be in? It’s definitely your fault.

Are your eating habits spiraling out of control and it’s wrecking havoc on your mental and physical well-being? It’s for sure your fault.

If you’re anything like me, hearing that something is your fault can make a piece of you immediately want to jump on the defensive.

The goal here isn’t to send you down a self-critical rabbit hole of shame and doubt, but to empower you. This is all about self-acceptance with as little judgment as possible.

“It’s your fault” is a helpful mental shortcut capable of sneaking past all your hidden defense systems, leading to the end result of it being your responsibility.

Let’s say I kidnapped you and dropped you in a pile of quicksand (which I have on hand at all times).

It’s not your fault that I was a big ‘ol meanie and snatched you up while you were watching How I Met Your Mother, but if you want to live long enough to see another episode then it’s your responsibility to do something about getting out.

If something involves you, you play a role in the situation and bear the responsibility of bringing about change.

Own it all. The good, the bad, and the fugly.

When you stop looking for things outside of yourself to blame, you’re forced to look inward and search for ways to better yourself.

Instead of all of your resources going towards deflecting and complaining, they’re now funneled towards finding solutions to get you where you want to go.

Only by claiming responsibility can the process of true growth begin.

Be Your Own Hero


This is your life. Hold yourself accountable to it.

You are responsible for everything in it, from the look of your physique to how you make a living and the quality of your personal interactions.

Others can help you, so don’t be afraid to ask for it. It’s great if they do, but no one else is responsible for making anything happen in your life but you.

No one is coming to save you. Fully embrace this fact.

Stop the momentum dead in its tracks by asking this question: what’s one thing I can do in this moment to help myself?

No matter how small the answer that you come up with is, do that thing and then build off of it relentlessly.

Regardless of your situation, there are dozens of things that you can do today to snatch your power back from the claws of victimhood and actively create the life you want to live.

It’s ok not to be perfect. It’s ok not to have all the answers. It’s ok to say you don’t know but that you’re still looking.

It’s not ok to blame your problems and struggles on others.

Staring right now, you are no longer a victim.

Action and a deep, ever-evolving understanding of self. is the only thing that can and will save you.

Go forth and act boldly, even if it looks like a hot mess until you get the hang of it.

Men: Can Fitness Supercharge Your Sex Life?


Image courtesy of Fred Johnson:


Invest in your fitness and your sex life will improve dramatically.

It sounds like the biggest duh moment in the history of humanity, doesn’t it? Of course it will be better: you’re stronger, leaner, have rock hard abs and more stamina. You’ve just achieved the holy grail of sex appeal.

Not necessarily.

While these are nice additions, they’re far from necessary and aren’t close to the actual character traits that – in unison with these features – will drive your woman wild, connecting you two on an entirely new and meaningful level.

And these are traits that you can practice and develop daily, on your own, in less than 45 minutes.

  1. Commitment

With all that we have on our plates, taking care of our physical health is never convenient; there’s always something else that you could be doing. Then again, showing up for our woman fully in the relationship (and in the bedroom) isn’t always convenient, either.”

It would be easy, maybe even understandable, to let our physical health fall by the wayside of other responsibilities, to put in occasional effort here or there and pat ourselves on the back. But this small degree of effort only leads to mediocrity, and deep down inside you know you want more than the meager results it offers, and that she wants much more from you and of you.

What we commit to grows. What we commit to commands our full attention, focus and energy, and the things that we once thought were so important begin to fall lower on our priority list.

Your woman needs your complete commitment to be able to fully open to you. Even if you aren’t consciously aware of it, her Spider-Sense notices when you aren’t providing it, and over time this will serve as a barrier to your intimacy.

Choose a strength training program that’s appropriate for your current fitness level and commit to it fully for the next 12 weeks. From this day forward, like breathing, it is something that you unequivocally do. Create a backup plan for when obstacles get in the way, and then create a backup plan for that backup plan.

During these 12 weeks, it’s less about crushing it and more about flexing your commitment muscles, becoming a man who prioritizes and grows through his commitments.

  1. Connection

To connect fully with her, you must first connect fully with yourself.

The gym, or wherever you are building your body, is the ultimate training ground for self-discovery. It gives you the chance to get out of your own logical head and into your body.

Feel how your body responds as you grind out the last repetition of your set – did you have more in your tank?

Observe that sensation in your gut as your body fatigues mid-workout – does it make you want to dig deep or to call it quits?

The best things in life must be felt, not philosophized.

Would you trust with your goals a personal trainer who had never trained a client or exercised effectively in his life? Or a professed surgeon who only took a quick look at Yahoo Answers before opening up your chest?

Your body is your tool and it is your responsibility to understand it well, as a knight knows his blade. The more in tune you are with all of its inner workings, the more connected you can be to hers.

  1. Presence & Intention

Millions of people around the world watched Michael Jordan play basketball because they knew from the moment that he stepped onto the court that this was not a game.

He wasn’t thinking about what his momma ate for dinner, nor how many thousands of dollars he just made in the last few minutes from Air Jordan sales. Every thought and movement was intensely directed towards a single objective; fully in the moment, he responded intuitively to the ever-changing landscape, wasting not an ounce of movement.

He didn’t come merely to win – he played like he was saving the world (and thus Space Jam was a biopic).

Are you fully in the moment when making love to your woman, able to sense what she needs and giving it to her even before she even knows that she does?

Or are you distracted, thinking about the argument you had with your boss, or mentally drafting your next tweet?

You can either tweet, or you can fuck – pick which one is more important.

When you’re at the gym, you’re at the gym. Leave your phone and any distractions in the car and immerse yourself in your sessions, over time developing the same immersion with your lady.

  1. Passion

When was the last time that you truly ravished your woman? I’m talking lifting her out of the shower, throwing her over your shoulder and lovingly, passionately, bending her over the kitchen counter kind of sex?

Society tames us to a large degree, dulling our edges for the sake of group cohesion, but the bedroom (or backseat), the intimate space for you and your partner, is the last place that you want to be civilized – it’s not in your basic nature to be.

That desire to give all you’ve got to your woman springs from the same part of you that would risk your life to protect her from harm. The woman wants to surrender to you and to the direction you provide – but only she trusts that you can handle it all.

Don’t waltz your way through your gym sessions. Bring intensity to each repetition no matter how tired you are. Don’t worry, it won’t kill you. In fact, through strength training, you are literally overcoming resistance with every push and pull, identifying your weaknesses and bolstering your strengths with decisive action.

Each time you grab the weight, you’re slightly better than you were before.

She wants the passionate, unbridled animal inside of you. The lion that snuggles and is affectionate with his lioness is the same creature that’s capable of fighting tooth and nail anything that would bring harm to her and their cubs.

By approaching your workouts in the manner laid out above, in due time you will develop the ability to give her just that.

Fat Loss & Muscle Building Supplements

Dear fantastic and loyal reader,I get a lot of email about which supplements are great for muscle building and fat loss. In person, once people find out what I do for a living, I get asked even more (so now I tell them I’m a janitor).I’ve got nothing but love for you, so when you read this please hear it from that place of love.

Fuck supplements. Fuck them right in their silly asses.

Imagine that your body is a car, whatever your glorious mind can conjure up (mine is Speed Racer’s Mach 5).

You know the body, wheels, breaks, engine, pedals, doors, windows, ignition, and anything else required for a car to actually run and not suck? In your body, this is represented by your diet and training.

Want to know the role that supplements play in this car? They’re solid gold pair of balls hanging from the license plate – nice to have but unnecessary, costly and ultimately pretty damn useless.

Supplements are meant to do just that – supplement a solid diet and training program. If you don’t have that base established, no supplement in the world can help you.

Returning to the car example, no matter how many pairs of solid gold balls you have, if you don’t have the actual car to attach them to, now you just look like a silly person carrying around a bunch of solid gold balls for no reason.

At the end of the day ALWAYS look at your diet and training. I’ve trained hundreds of clients and from my own experience with them and myself, 99.99999999% of supplements don’t do a thing but give you a false sense of confidence and progress, taking your money and making your bank account cry tears of agony.

Your bank on supplements

Your bank on supplements

99.999999999999999999999% of your results will come from dialing in your diet and training, aligning them with your goals. Then, and only then, will supplements even potentially, possibly, perhaps add something to the mix, but even then it’s extremely negligible.For muscle gain and fat loss, here are the only supplements I’ll ever recommend to the general trainee, but even then these are in addition to a dialed in diet and training program.1) Creatine Monohydrate (nothing else).

2) Caffeine (because with more energy you’ll train harder, but look at your sleep levels first).

3) A quality protein powder IF you need to boost your protein intake/for convenience, but whole foods trump all powder.

4) Sex. Lots of it. Preferably with someone you really love and care about.*

*don’t pay for this supplement – it defeats the purpose.

That’s it. No fat burners, sprays, wraps, herbal mixes, anything with some fancy name or really awesome charts and graphs on its packaging.

Now if you’re tempted to go spend your hard earned money on supplements that promote building muscle and losing fat at any point within the next 5-75 years, please just deposit that money into my bank account instead, because I will go buy a delicious steak, bite the shit out of it, and praise your name as I absorb its glorious flesh into my body.

Want to make sure that you have your training and nutrition base locked in and directed towards your goals? Click here.